The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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