someone threw a dead crab at me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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