Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
