woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
