i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
