I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
