where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
