Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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