i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
