its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
accomplished twins. life is a go
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
