I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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