:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
