I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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