Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
