Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
