You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
