I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're like the curious george of whores
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
