Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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