remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
