Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize