That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
