DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
