the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
