I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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