so that wasnt chicken after all
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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