Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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