He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
