Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
