Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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