I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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