I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
