Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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