I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
