Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
