No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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