All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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