So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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