So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
