my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
