i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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