so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
