woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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