Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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