Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
