He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
