i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
