I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
