you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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