It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
