I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
