i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
